I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately, both in concrete terms (about my friends) and more abstract terms (what I want and need in a friend). I was looking back through some old blog posts and came across this one from 2007 where I wrote about some of my friends. I feel grateful for all my friends.
Do you ever think about what you truly *need* in a friend? I am not saying that a friend should actually be responsible for meeting your needs. However, I think we choose to be friends with someone because they meet one or more needs.... the ability to have a great heart-to-heart talk, the ability to notice when something is really bothering you, the ability to be completely honest (e.g. tell you that bathing suit looks horrible), the ability to tell you when something is not right for you (e.g. your boyfriend, job, etc), the ability to call her on the phone for no reason at all, the ability to have long phone conversations without needing to come up with answers, the ability to make you laugh, the ability to comfort you when you need to cry, and probably many more.
I have been thinking a lot about this. My sister and I were discussing whether one friend can meet all these needs, or whether one is more likely to have several close friends that can cover all needs. I think the obvious answer is that, more than likely, one friend can't meet all the friendship needs a person has. I know that different friends meets different needs.... in my life too.
The qualities in a friend that are most important to me are:
*trustworthiness-- can I tell her something confidential and expect that it doesn't go any further?;
*easy to talk to-- can I have a good heart-to-heart if I feel like I need it?;
*is the friendship as important to her as it is to me? is it 50/50?
On the flip side, and just as important, what can I offer someone when I am their friend? Hopefully all the above things and more. I wish it were easier to communicate with our friends about what we need and what we can offer to them. Sometimes I think friendships can be more complicated than dating!
Just to throw this out, what are important qualities to you in a friend?
1 comment:
I think having lots of friends is great. I have friends that I've known since second grade, high school, college, and from the various towns I've lived in as an adult. In my case, the common thread has become our faith although years ago when many of these friendships started, it was school, scouts, band, drill team, neighborhoods, our kids, and jobs that brought us together. My friends are very open, sincere, caring, helpful, and strong in their faith. Over the years, each one has developed a strong faith. Many of them live far away, but our friendship picks up right where they left off through an email, a phone call, a card, or a visit. I feel very blessed to have each of them as part of my life. God is good!
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